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November 11 Where I am gona to landLove is not rude.
Love does not demand its own way.
Love is not irritable.
Love keeps no record of when it has been wronged. Why it did not work for me?
October 10 Alcohal Dipstill can't drink at all
just tried 2 shots of vodka & gin tonic
the world at my feet began to revolve
didn't get a chance to get away during the holiday
when everyone is back to work
its my turn to be outbound for a breath
always like this, different from everybody else
never regret what I hv done in the past whole yr, although it was labelled as a pitiful waste in many people's eyes
I let too many good opportunities slippering through my fingers and left myself nothing but deep pain
And the danger is that can't stop torturing myself to give it a go
I couldn't be clearer about what I should do
but emotionally glued in that stupid way
September 09 C' est La VieWhen life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations,
it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end. April 21 Amar CompletamenteWe can all relate to the desire to find Mr or Ms Right. It’s almost a cultural obsession. But unfortunately the search for the perfect person to fix us is one of our biggest psychic wounds and one of the ego’s most powerful delusions.
Often we long for another person because, in an invisible, intangilble realm, we’re still communicating, still connecting, still seeking resolution. Peope will say,”You’re being neurotic. It’s time to let go.”But there was a time when widows wore weeds for a year; grief was understood,acknowledged, validated. It’s not neurotic to grieve a relationship; what’s neurotic is when we don’t. On some level, no matter how disassociated from our feelings we might be, every relationship brings hope-hope that this might be a safe place, a haven, a rest after all our battles.
When a relationship doesn’t work out, for whatever reason, our disappointment is natural. Every intense encounter represents a deep and complicated karmic connection.An ending relationship is much like a death, and in many cases the sadness is even greater. When someone has died, there has often been completion and understanding that doesn’t occur when both people are alive but have separated without higher awareness. Perhaps the one we love is simply on the other side of the city with someone else now, yet they are really universes away since the resolution we so crave has not occurred. There’s no need to pretend this isn’t a knife to the heart. It is , and there’s nothing to do but cry the tears that gush forth like blood from a wound.
When emotional knives hit the heart, walls crumble that didn’t belong there to begin with. We can learn what is illusion and what is real. When we can’t be softened by our tears. We can learn that idols can never ever be trusted, and we can learn about a love that never, ever leaves.
Puisque c'est l'amour. April 02 Vu d＇IciHv been stuck in a hole for long without rhyme or reason and so many things are getting overlooked. Sometimes feel that hv gone through the thick and thin and phased into nature. But actually still caught entangled in worldy things.
The past couple of months saw me falling sick and tired of being depressed about u wildly. And I realize that no amount for false conviction can keep me away from the inevitable slide into a measured blast for all the intensity and duration of being paranoid.
Hope u can get settled and stay free in Seattle for a while. Really miss everything there, even the percolated coffee in the hotel room.
March 31 Pleure mon cœur lorsque tu t'en vas
Tout l'temps pour lui J'ai appris de lui
Trop de souvenirs
March 16 사랑,미치도 아파서The nasty weather totally flipped me out and almost pushed me through over to the other side of the edge especially at this time. But eventually it cleared up. Life always presents us with both like this.
In order to cheer myself up a bit and get my erection back, I spent a whole day trying out all the best cafés again by myself from the Bund No.1, the Red House, Park Hotel, Jinjiang Tower, Purple Mountain Hotel, the Binjiang No.1, Henglong Plaza, Portman to Donut King in the Jinan Park. I guess I do have special affiliation to the above places with particular feelings and memories to some extent.
Luckily I am not stuck with a lousy husband and one or two kids to take care off or from another perspective, relatively my parents are not so old-fashioned or narrow-minded to open up for new stuff as to interfere with all my matters by traditional Chinese norms. At this point, I feel grateful to my parents, although through consecutive rounds of confrontations and fights, we are all finally learning how to maneuver with all the tricky disagreements and keep our opinions to ourselves from intruding them directly onto the others and find out the best way to keep the botton line with each other at the optimum distance in case any tense or war may be triggered out so badly that boundary might be broken out and territory flattened away. As a result we are all leant to be very cautious to all the details to avoid running the risk of a catastrophic collapse of diplomatic communication.
Everyone has been so busy at work and I seem to be the only one to take a break from things. It sounds unbelievable, but it does happen. It is rarely difficult to see me have the tendency to settle down or even just stay with one thing for long because I am not the settling down type. Whatever the end results, I will never hesitate to go for sth that I want . Once I determined, I will stick it out to the very end and never afraid to lose anything. But I sense myself lose the ability how to solve problems and manage myself now.
Z flew off to San Francisco yesterday and won’t be back at least in 3 weeks. Steven is on his business trip in Australia and will head off to NY next week and probably gonna drop by to say hi during the second half of FY09. We always narrowly missed each other and never got a chance to catch up. Haflidi has travelled back to Iceland with Bea to see his family and I won’t see them until the end of May. Angelo is enjoying his vacation back in Italy. His vacation lasts so long this time and has been out of touch since Christmas. Frank must still be mad at me and try to cut me out of his life because I walked away from a fantastic senior job position from a notable British investment company without a second thought when everybody else was elbowing their way through to it and he is exactly my associate. Ben is leaving for Spain pretty soon. Ren is at rest from work after the surgery. V is the only one in my company at the moment. Without her I can’t imagine how I could go through it and survive to take a breath. You just finished all your business meetings in NY today and should be scheduled to LA tomorrow, but not for sure when will return.
I wish I could be tough at heart, a little bit more flirtatious and did not take life too seriously. Things of the heart are never easy to go. If I am not comfortable with it now, I don't think I will be comfortable with it in the future. There might be few things we can change and adapt in this world, but not that much. Nothing can be more pathetic to live on intermittent pieces of dreadful memories you try not to remember by force at the same time.
너의 하루에 나란 없겠지
사랑,미치도 아파서
June 27 Slow DanceHave you ever watched kids On a merry-go-round? Or listened to the rain Slapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight? Or gazed at the sun into the fading night? You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.. Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask How are you? Do you hear the reply? When the day is done Do you lie in your bed With the next hundred chores Running through your head? You'd better slow down Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last long. Ever told your child, We'll do it tomorrow? And in your haste, Not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch, Let a good friendship die Cause you never had time To call and say,'Hi' You'd better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last long. When you run so fast to get somewhere You miss half the fun of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day, It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away. Life is not a race. Do take it slower Hear the music Before the song is over. June 21 Not Mean to SmileI shouldn't have got lost in the thick of thin things
Pull myself back from things that distract me too much
Be like the lotus flower
Keep my beautiful head above water
and don't get entangled in worldly things. May 14 AttitudeApril 13 dancing with lifeFrom the very depths of darkness
springs a bright and living light
out of faulsehood and deceit
a greater truth is brought to sight
in the halls of death, defiant,
life is dancing with delight! March 25 Moments being touchedA wild horse, never to be tamed
You remind me of a monteblanc pen I have and how good I feel holding it in my hand and the power it gives me and stimulates me too.
I need you so much it hurts.
....you filled me with a level of passion I have never experienced before my heart was racing and my head spinning....how can someone make me act like a crazy guy ?? I have no answer!
I never set out to have this rainbow of emotions and it has come as a real shock to me and I just don’t know how to handle such a situation as this is very new to me.
I love you more than you know. I adore you.
Just be safe traveling home.
I can’t get you out of my mind as you are locked in my heart.
Bored and lonely off to get drunk to ease my pain.
I felt love today guess it is a problem.
You are my number 1.
An open mind wins all.
I was thinking about you and could smell you. In my mind I could taste your body and your heart beat on my chest.
Well you will never say what you meant to say.
a lovely thought , a tender moment
You are defensive and block the unknown.
Your body tells the truth to your emotions and inner feelings but your mouth and actions fight it
I do love you and wanted to read your book and write more chapters
Take your silence as no.
You are mine and I don’t share u ever.
My love is there for u to take. You just have to want it bad enough.
....stop stop over reacting to issues this only continues to show your inexperience to cope with stress and pressure and has to be corrected quickly.....
One thing is clear you have to make major changes to stand any chance of making it into the big time jobs.
Stop being so obsessive about your career. It is bringing you down and a destructive energy.
My comment was based on experience. But I guess being bossed as you put it may prevent me from adding value to you.
The hard work is still ahead.
I need to see your lust side and soon.
Grumpy
Don’t hold on to the past if you want to be prepared for the future.
No more words as the lack of movement from you is getting me confused more each day and it hurts me deeply. Best I just walk away now to avoid more pain.
My communications with you are so important but you seem to see me as forcing you when if I was important this would not be an issue.
I am not fighting with you all the time.
You need support but are too proud to ask ! I worry because you are very exposed to enter into the business world and if I can see this, so can your interview panel.
This is what I'm trying to ensure for you is achieved.
So much ahead of you with exciting things to come. What will be your next moves now.
Be patience. Something will come your way. You are so good at being positive and not letting the setbacks affect you too much. One day you will be good at running a business because you are doing it effectively now, performing marketing and sales duties where your commodity is yourself. I admire you for that.
February 24 Hedging my betsWho else could smooth my sorrows? Who else could heal my wounds? Who else could drive away my fears?
To the hungry soul, to the weary rest, Who could make the wounded spirit whole and calm the troubled breast?
The rock on which I build, my shield and hiding-place, my never-failing treasury filled with boundless stores of grace.
Weak is the effort of my heart and cold my warmest thought.
Till then I would thy love proclaim with every fleeting breath, and may the music of thy name refresh my soul in death.
February 03 AloneWhat they are saying is that
there is life there as well;
that the universe is the size
it is to enable us to catch up.
The dinosaurs have gone their way into the dark.
The time-span of their hunman counterparts is shortened;
everything on this shrinking planet favours the survival of the small people,
whose horizons are larger
only because they are content to look at them from their own hills.
They have gone on from the human being;
that shining is a reflection of their intelligence.
Godhead is the colonisation by mind of untenanted space.
It is its own light,
a statement beyond language of conceptual truth.
Every night is a rinsing myself of the darkness
that is in my veins.
I let the stars inject me with fire,
silent as it is far,
but certain in its cauterising of my despair.
I am a lonely explorer,
but there is more than time to arrive.
Resting in the intervals of my breathing,
I pick up the signals relayed to me from a periphery I comprehend. December 04 waveAnother wave,
another lurch of my heart.
I felt a quickening.
Slowly at first, then with increasing momentum, you popped in upright.
You have read the signs with me.
Recently I have been haunted with too much of olden times, my girlhood, my parents, my leaving friends and classmates.
You knew that my heart was sair, and that the pain smouldering here would burst out.
Memories have filled my soul with melancholy,
too strong for me,
and just came between me and the future.
The tree that moves some to tears of joy is , in the eye of others,
only a green thing that stands in the way.
November 29 November 29There is nothing you can do to make someone love you more and there is nothing you can do to make someone love you less.
But the steadfast love of Mum never ceases. October 26 wave away my past yearWhenever I look up at Arthur’s Seat, the extinct volcano that stands watch over Edinburgh, I’m reminded how special this place is. What other city in the world so embraces its own mountain? Fine, there’s Rio de Janeiro and Cape Town, but that’s about it.
The heart of Edinburgh is perched on a plug of carboniferous lava. How amazing could that be? And when you are up on the castle hill, you are surrounded by green hills and blue sea in almost every direction unless there is a haar, in which case you’ll be lucky to see your hand in front of your face. Such a kind of sense of never being too far away from nature, however, permeates the city.
If you lift your eyes in even the most depressed suburb, there is always a glimpse of sth vaguely rural. Don’t forget that Edinburgh is where trainspotting was set; it is not all tea shops and tartan.
The centre is small enough to negotiate on foot and there’s never a feeling of being swamped by a huge metropolis. Glasgow may have more and better shops, but only Edinburgh has Harvey Nichols within 10 minutes’ walk of TK Maxx, and only it has dared to keep the development of its main shopping street reined in by beautiful gardens, so your retail experience can be accompanied by daffodils, blossom or fairy lights, depending on the time of year.
Many cities could be sprawling, anonymous beasts. Glasgow is great, but it reminds of other places: Liverpool and Newcastle etc spring to my mind.
I should have rhapsodized about the galleries, architecture, museums, arts companies and the world-class cultural life this city can boast, but to be honest, although they might enhance our life immeasurably, I’m not experiencing them all the time. Okay, it could be important to others that they have the opportunity to go to the theatre, concert,gig, night club, watch sport almost any night the week, visit a Michelin-starred restaurant or take my toddler to marvel at our Dynamic Earth whenever the mood takes them. Even not as a local resident, these are just the icing on the cake.
Whether that’s to do with the bijou size of the city or the fact that its reputation for bing snooty is total mince, its glorious history and beauty, its botanic garden, Cramond harbour, Jenners’ Christmas tree, the ice cream and Coke float at Vittoria’s restaurant are always so fascinating. But even if it were not, it would also be tolerable because every August the rest of the world comes to you.
Although it is renowned as Britain’s supreme location, what really matters to me more is that it is the place where I could capture the gleaming shadows of Shanghai more or less in some way, together with my unforgettably splendid memories of RBS Gogarburn Campus Head Office, Communication Groups, Level 2 and Standard Life, Asia- Pacific Strategy Department on George Street and Lothian Road.
October 21 Lightening up your life
Be impeccable with your word Speak with integrity. Say what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
Don’t take anything personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Don’t make assumptions Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
Always do your best Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstances, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgement, self-abuse and regret.
October 04 Almost Over You
I saw an old friend of ours today She asked about you I didn't quite know what to say
Heard you've been making your rounds round here While I've been trying to make tears disappear
Now I'm almost over you I've almost shook these blues
So when you come back around after painting the town You'll see I'm almost over you
You're such a sly one with your cold Cold heart
Maybe leaving came easy But it tore me apart
Time heals all wounds they say and I should know Cause it seems like forever But I'm letting' you go
I can forgive you and soon I'll forget all my shattered dreams Although you left me with nothing to show Full of misery
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